Will The Real Me Please Stand Up?

Since Robin Klammer, John C. Gyorki and KD Murray tagged me to tell ten quirky things about myself, and since I’m still in a Christmas coma and not up to any hard serious blogging yet, I figured this was as good a time as any to write about ten quirky oddball things you might or might not care to know about me.

One: I’m not proud to admit it, but I have a BIG THING in common with Ignatius, the main character in A Confederacy of Dunces. His pyloric valve closed when he was stressed, and mine closed when I was three.

I vaguely remember being in a hospital with my mother and drinking some horrible chalky drink that illuminated my insides in an X-ray that probably zapped me with 900 times the amount of radiation allowable today. I might still be glowing.

Was I really in the hospital when I was a baby or was that a bad dream? I asked my mother after I was grown.

You were there. Your pyloric valve closed, my mother said. Evidently the doctor told her it was because I was a middle child and not getting enough attention (talk about instilling parental guilt!). I don’t know what happened after that, maybe they gave me lots of hugs, but my pyloric valve never closed again. At least, I don’t think so.

Two: I like to watch really HORRIBLE shows when I am exercising on the treadmill; shows like Game of Thrones and Walking Dead. They are violent and gruesome and Game of Thrones has all kinds of naked people everywhere doing everything, but I’m hooked. When I hear my husband coming downstairs to exercise with me I snap the TV off. And I hide the DVD’s from my grandkids.

Three: I am calm under pressure. In my first six months as a flight attendant (decades ago) we had an “incident” and the plane almost crashed. It dropped so fast people were popping out of their seats, collapsing in the aisles, and my first thought was, “Should I take my pocketbook with me or leave it on the plane when we ditch in the ocean?” Fortunately the plane righted itself and we didn’t crash but the Senior Flight Attendant commended me for remaining incredibly calm.

Four: I have no sense of direction. None whatsoever. When my child was three and I took her to the pediatrician she had to show me how to get out of the building. This way, Mommy. When my kids were older and we moved to Atlanta (before GPS) we would go to the grocery store, do our shopping, head home and after 45 minutes of driving around my kids would suddenly realize we weren’t home yet and say, “Oh no! Mom’s lost again!”

Five: I like to sleep in workout pants. Don’t ask me why.

Six: I love being outside on a sunny day, hiking, kayaking, or just looking at the sky. That’s why it’s so strange that I love rainy days and snowy days too. Curling up with a good book and a cup of coffee or cooking something I’ve never tried before are perfect pastimes.

Seven: My cholesterol is higher than anybody’s in the world. It’s 300. But I don’t take any pills for it and I fully believe that in future years researchers will discover that high cholesterol is good for women.

Eight: I dreamed I saw Jesus, only I’ve always felt it wasn’t a dream; that I really did see and talk to Jesus. But when I tell people this they think I’m crazy, so I don’t talk much about it.

Nine: I have a thing about hairpieces. I’m always ordering them off the web, although I hardly ever wear them. Sometimes I get clip-in bangs, sometimes clip-on ponytails, and once I bought a half-wiglet that looked like some kind of animal perched on top of my head.

Ten: I used to have panic attacks and suffer from depression many many years ago, and then I became a very happy and easygoing person, thanks to my faith, God’s work in my life, and a book I read called Hope and Help for Your Nerves. I’m a living example that the problems you start out with are not necessarily your destiny.

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