Terrific story, Alexandra, and many kudos to you for adopting these children and making such a profound difference in their lives by giving them an opportunity to have a life. I can relate, because my daughter adopted three children from foster care. She went through many of the things you describe. But hang in there! This is a stage and it will pass more rapidly than you could believe possible. In the meantime, I hope you find a friend who can at least chat with you every now and then. That's important.