I'm so very sorry. I can tell a lot of love existed in your family, so I believe your son felt very loved. My friend, on the other hand, fears her addicted son because drugs have so warped his thinking that he hates and vilifies them. They expect to hear of his death from drug overdoses, and are glad when they hear he is in prison somewhere. Hold on to all the love your shared, even if that can never truly heal the grief you're experiencing.