Emma, I notice you haven't written on Medium for a while. Are you still around? How is your faith life now? You mention some interesting things in your article. I am a Christian, but I believe many people will get into Heaven whether Muslim, Buddhist or something else, because God "looks on the heart." You said you were relieved to entertain the idea that God is not real. You were burdened by the thought of his existence. Yet, Jesus should never be a burden, a source of condemnation. He should lighten your load with a relationship that has the capacity to transform and elevate your life. I hope by now you've found that Jesus. Let us here from you.